My mother passed away at 6.10 am (local time ) in Nairobi, Kenya on Saturday 24 April 2010   . She was 89 years old.  Her body was taken out for final journey from her residence on Wambugu Road, Parklands, Nairobi   at 2.30 pm on Sunday 25 April 2010 for cremation at the   Hindu Cemetery in   Nairobi.

My mother’s name is Kasturben . She married my father , Juthalal Dharamshi Naya Shah when she was young – not quite 16.     Her father was Sunderji Lalji Haria – a Thika resident .   Her father was the   first in our Visa Oshwal Shah community who got married to my grandmother (Jiviben) in Kenya -with proper Jain/Hindu ceremony. Both my maternal grandfather & grandmother had migrated from Jamnagar, Gujarat area of India in the early part of the last Century..

My father had a duka (a shop of general merchandise) in Ruiru in Kenya – a town near Thika and also near to Nairobi ,   the present day capital city of Kenya.   My father ran the business with his dad , Dharamshi Naya Shah . My paternal grandfather had also migrated to Kenya from Jamnagar, Gujarat area of India in the early part of the last Century – later followed by his wife (Deviben) and son, Juthalal (my father)

Here in Ruiru, my mother gave birth to my elder brothers, Kanti & Arwind . After that a new born did not make it . However, pretty soon I was born in 1940 . When I was about 4 years old, my father decided to move to Mombasa -as there was better opportunity for education of his kids.   Soon the household became established with more siblings – Sarla , a sister; Suryakant ,a brother; Ranjan , a sister and the youngest of all Daksha , a sister.

My mother also helped her mother-in-law raise my uncle – Rasik  & my auntie Savita who were many years younger than my father. My father had other sisters also  Amritben, Jashodaben &   Shantaben .   It was   a joint family structure and along with my paternal grandfather his all progeny stayed under one roof. My father’s sisters Amritben & Jashodaben   were married before my father moved to Mombasa & Shantaben   was married after settling in Mombasa. Both Rasik Uncle & Savita Auntie were closer to   our own age and thus we grew up playing with them – though my uncle was a bit senior. In the early years after my father moved to Mombasa, my grandfather had stayed behind in Ruiru and only later after about 5 years he moved to Mombasa   to join his son. During these early years, my maternal uncle Gunvant (my mother’s 2nd brother) had come to Mombasa to stay with her sister so that he can further his education.

Over the years when in Mombasa,   a coastal town. she entertained and looked after legion of relatives and travellers from Kenya hinterland and also those coming from or going to India (as immigrants or returning back after visiting India) . This added a lot of responsibilities and burden while looking after and raising her children and her in-laws’ children. All through this arduous work, she maintained her   charm and smiles on her face – and won plaudits from many. Of course there are always some who took advantage of her hospitality and sometime gave free (unwanted and unsolicited) advice without trying to help in   the chores. These were the free loaders but she never ever grumbled – in the Indian tradition of   Atithi Devo Bhavo (Guests are always God’s representation) .

At the time when I graduated from my high school in Mombasa during 1956, my father suffered heavy losses in his businesses (import business and a soda factory) and even survival became difficult. Both my elder brothers (Kanti & Arwind) began clerical work with the KaluWorks   (aluminium utensil factory); which helped the family to subsist. I got a bursary from the Kenya Government and started my graduate study (in 1957) in Civil Engineering at the Royal College, Nairobi   – staying first three years with my GunvantMama & AmuMama who lived on Duke Street, Nairobi.   After my graduation in 1962, I began work with the Kenya Government and subsequently in 1964/1965 family moved from Mombasa to Nairobi.

It’s interesting even with all this daily chores to occupy her, she somehow maintained her knowledge  of many practical things and new developments . When young, we never realised her vast reservoir of knowledge which came to fore   when we were grown up and had more time to spend with her – that is after my father had passed away.   When my father was alive, she was always besides him and joined him in whatever he wanted to undertake. I guess she also was reading magazines and books along with him and maintaining the knowledge of the world around.  

My father was an ardent cigarette smoker which affected his lungs. He passed away in 1985 from lung infection during winter.

Later in life , my mother enjoyed watching TV and somehow did understand news both in English and Kiswahili. She   enjoyed very much the British   soap opera , Bold and Beautiful,  and would make a point of not missing it over many years – except when her eyesight became weak and when she became more fragile that she stopped watching it and TV altogether ..

My mother’s  heart was situated on the right side of the body. Biologically , usually all of us have our hearts on the left side of the body. She had over the years learnt and collected much   medicinal knowledge – mostly Aryuvedic medicines but also she had great understanding of modern medicine and thus was always in command when looking after her children when young but also she looked after own treatment very intelligently till her passing away.   She was always very meticulous in whatever she did and she had this thing about cleanliness and also always dressing proper and best possible way to present herself to the world.

She has over the years developed time & effort management routine so even till her passing away, she had organised her life so all activities from breakfast to sleep are done in proper timing. She was considerate   not to impose herself unnecessarily on her children but remain with the flow of happenings day to day.

In her days when she could not walk due to corn on her sole and swelling of in her feet , she was on a wheel chair till her passing away. My brother Kanti & his wife, Kanchan   became   her guardians as, over the years,   one by one all her children and grandchildren left Kenya to settle in UK and myself in Canada.   My sister Sarla also had remained in Nairobi and kept her company especially around evening meals. My maternal Uncle AmuMama was her constant companion – her brother and she were just a combination which gives all wonderful delight. Between two of them there was so much love – that it is difficult to describe.  A music to ears , an absorbing sight and a solace to the soul when they are together.  

Over the years my mother had daughter-in laws KanchanBhabhi (married to my brother Kanti), Kumudbhabhi (married to my brother Arwind ), Jashoda(Jackie) -my wife and Jaswanti (married to my brother Suryakant) – all shared the joint family structure and living at our house on Wambugu Road , Parklands,Nairobi – until I left for Canada in 1974 and then my brother Arwind  lost his life – killed by   robbers at his store on River Road in Nairobi in 1999 and after that  Kemudbhahi left to go to UK and live with her son Nimesh (Tiku) . Subsequently her youngest son Suryakant & Jasu also left to establish their residence in UK near their son, Sunai. So my mother was with KanchanBhabhi until her passing away.     In all these years , my mother had always looked to her daughter-in-laws as her daughters and they in turn have looked to her as their mother. There was some natural bonding and   mutual respect .  

The greatest pain that my mother suffered all her living life (after 1999) was the untimely loss of my brother, Arwind from a bullet of a robber.   The worst is that the police in Kenya did not capture anyone who perpetrated this crime.   There was   a big demonstration march in the street   (by locals – who were disgusted with this   type of crime and who were respectful of my brother for his empathetic heart). However this episode gnawed at my mother’s heart till her passing away.

My mother was very respectful of all her  son-in laws – first was Satish (Sarla’s husband) , then Mahendra (Ranjan’s Husband) and last Dipek (Daxa’s Husband). Both Mahendra & Dipak were UK resident   but Satish was in Nairobi . All son-in-laws remained   in constant and respectful and loving contact with her. Satish, being in Nairobi had many interactions.  

All her grandchildren loved her. They are scattered all over –   from Kenya to UK and North America. Now one (Api) is in Uganda.   Over the years they kept coming (separately) to Kenya – just to spend some time with her. These are  Shammir , Nimesh (Tiku), Rina  Minesh Shah,  Nehul, Jigna, Binita, Rehma, Sunai, Purvi, Ajul, Dinit , Krupesh – all of UK ,  Bansri , Seema of Nairobi,  Neera of Mombasa , Api/Amit of Kampala,Uganda . Nina Sunjay Mistry of Mackey, Ontario,  Sunir  Shah of Toronto, Ontario, Sunit Satish Shah of Toronto, Ontario.     When they cannot visit – they remained in communication with her on phone many times .

This journey does not end here. My mother was fortunate to add to her family grandchildren-in- law who married to her grandchildren.   Shammir  married to Rina, Bansri married to Ketan, our Rina married to Minesh,  Nimesh married to Prasita , Sunit married to Shaileen (Shilu) , Neera married to Tejul , Seema married to Kirit,   Api married to Amit , Nina married to Sunjay,   Sunai married to Priyal,  Nehul married   to Sharmee,  Sunir married to Shannon and  Jigna married to Richard.

 My mother was always in heaven when talking about her   grandchildren-in-law. Almost all of them had taken to her and were always looking forward to visit her . All of them live overseas and thus visiting her often is not feasible but they did visit as possible.

Both Nina & Sunir -though born in Canada just loved her. First they met her in  UK when my sister, Daksha got married and we were all there . Later after that (in 1986) she   visited us here in Hamilton, Ontario and Sunir , a young kid   then just took to her . He,  teaching her English and she,  teaching him Gujarati   language.   Nina, a bit older and   knowing   Hamilton and bus routes etc – took upon herself to take her grandma for a tour of Hamilton – few times and lead her on the buses and then take her to various place of interest.   A bond was established which lasted forever.   All of   her other grandchildren grew in Kenya and were close to her and a natural bond was already there between them & her.
Nina after her marriage   to Sunjay Mistry in August 2005 , wanted to get blessings from her own Grandma and this led her and Sunjay to visit her in Nairobi in 2006. They came home all wooly eyed about meeting her. Sunir also visited his grandma   again at the age of 16 – he was all excited about that – though a bit chagrined about living in Kenya as one cannot go out alone on foot   for fear of getting   robbed . Sunir again went to Kenya -accompanying me when his Grandma had taken a bad turn to her health in 2007. Fortunately, his Grandma got treated by two newer doctors in Nairobi   South C Hospital – and she recovered quite quickly form the modern treatment.   This time Sunir also talked to his grandma about his love for Shannon and   showed his grandma   Shannon’s photo   . He got excellent vibes from his Grandma and a tacit approval. I think Sunir was ecstatic   as   he got no reprimand from his favourite family matriarch but instead got happiness shown.
This past year after Jigna (my sister Ranjan’s daughter) got married to Richard in London, UK ;   they made a point to visit my mother (Jigna’s grandma) in Nairobi and received her blessings. My mother was so happy and they spent many hours of excellent time together.
My mother was truly blessed with many great grandchildren-   both paternal & maternal . Her great grandchildren are :  in Kenya – Nikit, Akshay, Diva &  Mahi;     in UK – Ruan, Syan, Ruhi, Kria, Ashay, Savir and  in Canada – Sitara &  Sachin Mistry of Mackey, Ontario. Nikit and Akshay – Bansri/Ketan’s children in Nairobi are older and always remained in contact with their great grandma. Nikit is now studying in UK   but at her last days on this earth, Nikit   was there   and remained in touch with her.
My mother, Kasturben , lost her battle with life due to age .   She was an amazing person, a true Jain  lady, a great family person and a wonderful mother.  Everyone who knows her have touched on a “life well lived.”  Even though I am away from her since last 35 years or so   here in Canada , she was so present in my life that I know I will not be able to fill the void for a very long time, if ever.Many say that she was lucky to witness such flowering of loving family and she was loved deeply but the truth is that we (her children & grandchildren & great grandchildren and many others of her family and friends) are lucky to have been loved by her and being there for us at all times of trial and tribulations and   witnessing our happiness and growth.

Pravin Shah