I’m working on my fashion course at home right now and one assignment is to interview someone about wedding customs (mostly clothing) of another culture/religion. Would you be able to answer some questions about Indian marriages for me when you get a chance? Here they are:
Shannon’s cousin, Lee
-Have you attended a wedding in the Indian culture?
-Was this a traditional wedding or something different?
-When did this take place?
-Where was it?
-Is this a typical place of an Indian wedding?
-What does the bride wear?
-What does the groom wear?
-What do the guests wear?
-What do the parents of the bride and groom wear?
-What does the wedding party wear?
-Was there an engagement before the wedding?
-If yes, how long was it?
-Are bridesmaids a part of the traditional wedding ceremony in your culture?
-How many bridesmaids does the bride usually have?
-What gifts are typically given?
-How many guests are usually invited to the wedding?
-Who are all these people (how are they related to the couple)?
-Please explain your favourite part of a Jain wedding.
-Are there any symbols used in the wedding? (i.e. ring represents never-ending love)
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see the following site for some FAQs : http://zoltami.com/FAQ.html
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Hi Son,
Here are my comments/observations/understanding on Indian weddings.
General,
1) Indian weddings encompass weddings by many diverse and disparate groups . These are Hindu weddings, Muslim Weddings , Christian weddings, Sikh Weddings, Buddhist weddings and Jain Weddings. There may be others such as mixed weddings. Indian Weddings are the : most Diverse Wedding in the world. The Hindu marriage ceremonies vary in different regions and according to family traditions.
2) Each religious group has sub-groups and accordingly weddings are varied and modified.
3) Further, there are differences in wedding dresses ,decorations and traditions based on location (that is from which province the bride or bridegroom has come from?) Punjab has different dress code and wedding party traditions compared with Gujarat or Rajastan or Southern provinces (such as Kerala, TamilNadu, Andhra Pradesh)
4) Indian populations who have migrated outside of India, vary their wedding rites as per local influences (which can be municipal constraints, acceptance or non - acceptance of Indian culture by local population of a country to which Indians may have emigrated to). Thus there are variations to wedding dress and celebratory functions to suit local environment.
5) Indian weddings also see variation/modification from each individual priest ( Purohits for Hindu/Jain , Mullahs for Muslims, and Priests for Christians). who carries out the ceremony. This is because most of the priests (at least Hindu/Jain) are trained by parents or grandparents (like on-the-job training). As the art and knowledge are passed down from generation to generation .
6) The form and style of Indian weddings (right across the board) are changing influenced by demands of modern living and the current environment in which the newly wed couple lives. It has happened many times that a groom lives (say in San Fransico in U.S. ) and bride comes from elsewhere such as Kenya or India or other parts of U.S. or American continent. And the parents may be living at other part of the world. Thus the age old traditions cannot be sustained and quick modifications are implemented but keeping essentials of the traditional cermonies.
6) Most Indian weddings are sort of relation between two families. The wedding would normally tie two families for the life time (family of bridegroom and family of bride) apart from the actual couple who is getting married.
Hindu Wedding
There are certain commonality in Hindu weddings - no matter which group or sub-group (and from whichever part of India they come from) of Hindus celebrate weddings of their loved ones.
These are:
1) A wedding is done in the presence of a fire (as a witness). A fire is considered very propitious and pure and has a haloed presence in Hindu religious traditions.
2) In Hindu tradition, the new bride is considered an epitome of Goddess Laxmi (Goddess of Prosperity, wealth and good luck) and thus ceremonies are tuned to “a worship of the Goddess” and thus bride is welcome (or annonited) at each stage of ceremony with reverance.
Note: In olden days or in orthodox families, all this euphoria would change once the bride becomes full member of the household and in reality nothing good happens or no wonderful breaks are attained by the family from her presence - to the detriment of the new daughter-in-law.
3) Hindu weddings are anchored in age old Sanskrit (ancient Indian language comparable to Latin) ceremonial “slokas” . The “slokas” are religious offerings to Gods/Godesses and ancestors for invoking favours, good omens and blessings for the newly wed. The local language of the people involved is also used since most Hindus cannot understand Sanskrit in these days .
4) Hindu weddings are very particular in clearly specifying (demonstrating) to the newly weds their responsibilities as man & wife over the life span. The manner and style of specification may vary from group to group depending on the priest and the group (or sub-group) to which the newly wed belongs
5) Traditionaly, Hindu weddings are carried out at the bride’s (parents) place (or at an identifed location) with bridegroom along with his wedding party arriving for the wedding.
These days (especially here in Canada and other western countries), marriages are sometimes jointly organised by the wedding couple. Their parents giving nominal but loving consent to their decision.
6) In Punjabi (north Indian) and Rajastani Hindu marriages in India, the bridegroom usually mount a horse or an elephant to arrive majestically to the bride’s parents home for wedding.
The Gujaratis normally do not have such tradition. Gujarati groom usually comes in posh cars
In Toronto, the north Indian marriages will see the groom mount a horse (a small distance near the place of wedding) when arriving at the wedding place. This tradition is NOW slowly but dfefinitely filtering to the Gujarati community. Well, this has given means of income to local horse owners.
Note: I will try to give a detailed description based on our Gujarati Hindu wedding ceremonies which we had for Nina and Sunjay in 2004. The following website LINK : http://www.shubhlagan.in/Traditions_Gujarati.asp provides a bit more details and explanation.
Have you attended a wedding in the Indian culture?
Yes. We have attended many Indian Hindu weddings as we are Hindus and we have a long network association with many extended families and friends. The friends can be from many different groups or sub-groups.
The wedding that I will refer to is Sunir’s sister (Nina Shah with Sunjay Mistry) during August of 2004.
Was this a traditional wedding or something different?
Yes and No. The wedding form & style are changing based on amenities available and the current life style of the couple getting married .
Some basic parts of traditon is normally maintained except when time constraints and where family members are scattered all over and thus they cannot all attend the wedding.functions due to distance and other constraints.
In basic sense , yes, most weddings we attended do follow the basic tradition - though we may NOT attend all the functions related to the wedding.
Nina’s wedding with Sunjay followed the basic ceremonial structure of a Gujarati Hindu traditional ceremony, normally followed by a diasporic (Indians who have moved away from India) Indian family.
When did this take place?
Traditionally, the wedding day and time is chosen by astrological combinations for good omens and for fending off any evils
However in modern times and outside India especially in Western Countries, sometimes this is ignored . For Nina/Sinjay wedding , the astrological phenomena was not explored much. Nina’s wedding was on Saturday 28 Aug 2004. It turned out to be a very beautiful day with nice and clear warm sky.- though rain was forecast during these days.
Where was it?
The wedding ceremony can be done at any appropriate but auspicious place where wedding couple can feel comfortable (with convenient location) and can invite their necessary family members and friends
The ceremony usually takes place at a temple of choice (i.e hall in the temple), commercial or community halls (such as Sports club ) or hotels or outdoors under a marquee near home or public places.
However, Nina’s (Sunir’s sister) wedding to Sunjay Mistry was at a blueberry farm (Hugly’s at the outskirt of Pembroke) in the Ottawa Valley. Various wedding ceremonies were divided between four (4) locations..
The day before the actual wedding day, her Wedding Foundation ceremony was done at her parents home under an established marquee and a tent (in Deep River - about 45 km from Hugly’s blueberry farm).
Sunjay’s Wedding Foundation ceremony was done (about a week before) at his uncle’s place in Toronto.
The actual wedding ceremony was done under a marquee at the well set and attractive Hugly’s blueberry farm at the outskirt of Pembroke. This included reception (just after the noon hour) upon the completion of the Wedding ceremony .
In the evening after about 8.00 pm a celebratory party (welcoming of Nina as a newly married wife) was organised by Sunjay’s (groom’s) side at the Deep River Yacht Club . This was necessary to wrap up the “after wedding ceremonies” as per Hindu traditions at Sunjay’s (his parents) place. Since Sunjay’s sister and mom had come from U.K., they did not have luxury of time and place here in Canada to carry out such ceremonies at their actual place of residence. So a modification (for location) was effected by holding such ceremonies at Deep River Yacht Club.This allowed many guests who had travelled distences to attend the wedding to participate in the ensuing ceremonies.
Is this a typical place of an Indian wedding?
The choice of place that Nina/Sunjay made was NOT a typical place for an Indian wedding. However, the Hugly Farm owners were excited and really took pride that their place was chosen.The place was away from Ottawa (some 200 km) from where most items for wedding ceremony as well as the Indain Caterers were brought in. The Hindu (Gujarati) Priest along with a Ph D educator (for translating the wedding rites in English for the benefit of all the guests) had to be motored from the Hindu temple in Ottawa.
What does the bride wear?
Gujarati marriage is a classic example of ethnicity, in which people dress up in beautiful rainbow colors. Gujarati wedding attire exhibits glimpses of their rich culture. Talking about the Gujarati wedding bridal wear, most Gujarati girls choose to wear a sari that is draped in the proper Gujarati style. During the ceremony, a Gujarati bride usually wears a “panetar” as the wedding “sari.” These days the fashion designers have come up with bridal “chania choli” in place of the “panetar“ Some brides do opt to wear a bridal choli. So she can wear a white blouse and lengha from the panetar choli. Then instead of the panetar chunri, she would wear a maroon gharchola chunri with the same work as the “panetar” pieces. Then she will have a separate white chunri (a sort of shawl) for her head. This way it will look like it’s 1 outfit.
The bride also wears gold or silver jewellery and these days cosmetic jewellery to complete the wedding attire in Indian style.
The bride wears the “panetar” that is given by her maternal uncle, then a gharcholu sari on top of that, which is given by the groom’s family for good luck.
Gujarati weddings are still normally quite understated and subtle, though trends here in Toronto (and Canada) are increasingly being influenced by North Indian culture.
Nina wore traditional “panetar” - the sari worn during the wedding ritual — in its traditional plain white silk saree with a maroon border. Saree had self golden checks & pallav was in red color which has intricate design & also all over border with self design. Saree has matching blouse with embroidery on its neckline
Nina wore gold and cosmetic jewellery to complete the wedding attire in Indian style.
Nina bought her “panetar” in Toronto but many new brides go to India for selection and purchase of their “panetar“. Nina’s maternal Uncle & Auntie who came form Kenya paid for her panetar“.
What does the groom wear?
Wedding is a big day in everyone’s life be it girl or boy. For a guy wedding is the end of his bachelorhood. It marks the end of his carefree days of being the eligible bachelor. Wedding calls for more responsibilities and commitment. Not many grooms concentrate on planning their wedding outfits just as elaborately as the brides do and they really miss out on a lot of details
In a traditional Gujarati marriage, grooms opt for dhoti kurta. This type of wedding garb is now more or less extinct
In modern times and in metropolitan cities and in countries outside India, for the modern men, the fashion designers are coming up with designer Gujarati “wedding bridegroom wear” like indo-western kurta pyjamas.
In the western wear category, formal suits are becoming the choice of many.
For the main day wedding function a bridegroom can opt for sherwanis, Jodhpuri suits,Kurta Pyjamas or Western suits. Sherwanis look stunningly regal because they fuse the best of eastern and western styling, they are the perfect attire for the wedding and also the reception. Shades of peach jamevar with touches of gold silver jari work or beiges and golds are more suitable than the traditional cream churidar kurta.
Sunjay selected to wear a Sherwani with shade of peach with touches of gold silver jari work -which looked regal ,very attractive and distinct from what the guests wore.
What do the guests wear?
What does the wedding party wear?
Guests (including the wedding party) normally wear what is current in their cultural group(s) and/or what is prevalent in the society at large. In Canada, the western dresses or ethnic Indian dresses are worn by guests There are no particular rule or requirements what they wear except that clean, ironed and attractive garb to be worn.
Indian ladies usually wear sarees resplendent with their gold, diamond or cosmetic jewellery. Western ladies (who attend the wedding) wear western dresses (gowns). Some western ladies who are intimate with the new couple or their families wear sarees.
Men generally wear western suits with tie. Also some wear shirts and trousers depending on weather.
Note:
a) Guests wear what one normally wears to a non-Indian wedding. The only clothing taboo to be aware of is that one must take one’s shoes off to enter a temple or the wedding canopy, so be prepared to leave them at the door.
b) Do try to make some allowances for comfort — it’s not uncommon for seating to be on the ground, so a tight suit or dress that doesn’t let you sit cross-legged might not be the best choice
During Nina/Sunjay wedding, all the above was evident.
What do the parents of the bride and groom wear?
Mother of the bride wears a new saree in cheerful colour (such as red, maroon, brown or green) with gold or silver motif embroidery. No black or white sarees are worn during the wedding functions Black is representative of misfortune and white represents mourning.
Father of the bride wears western suit (newly tailored) or ethnic Indian dress.Normally more expensive one to celebrate the wedding. In some Indian groups, father and near relatives also wear special wedding turbans which set them apart from the guests.
The above is true for the grooms parents.
For Nina/Sunjay wedding, Nina’s mom wore an attractive and cheerful fuchia coloured saree with her gold ornaments and with a big smile Her father had a new suit with (most expensively tailored suit in his life). Sunjay’s mom also wore a cheerful saree with magnetic smile on her face.
Was there an engagement before the wedding?
Engagement ceremony is an integral part of the wedding preparation in the Indian culture and tradition.
Many groups/sub-groups would not officially announce engagement to the extended familiy members or friends unless a proper engagement ceremony is held; though the couple may have made it official between themselves by very planned execution of wedding proposal by the young man and acceptance by the young lady - with youngman putting an engagement ring on her finger.
The engagement ceremony signifies that the “bride-to-be” is accepted by the family of the “groom-to-be” in presence of the the family of the “bride-to-be“as well as in the presence of some members of the community. The engagement ceremony also allows the family of the ”bride-to-be” to ackowledge the acceptance of “groom-to-be” as their kin and the husband to their daughter.
Yes. Nina/Sunjay engagement ceremony was held in April 2004 (a few months before her wedding in August 2004). The ceremony was held at Nina’s parents home in Deep River,Ontario
If yes, how long was it?
The engagement ceremony takes about an hour (but not more than two hours) but once the engagement ceremony is over there is feast along with dinner and some socialising between two families and invited guests.
For Nina/Sunjay engagement it took about an hour and a half with dinner and the feast afterwards.
Are bridesmaids a part of the traditional wedding ceremony in your culture?
Not traditionally but in modern times the sisters and close cousins can be made part of the train which joins the bride when she comes to the wedding “Mundap - a special canopy erected for the wedding ” The bride is usually escorted to the “Mandap” by her brother and maternal uncle.
Nina was escorted by her brother, Sunir and her maternal uncle who had especially come from Kenya to attend the wedding. Her train of so called bridemaids included her Auntie (wife of her maternal uncle from Kenya) and her cousin who had come form U.S.A .
How many bridesmaids does the bride usually have?
There is no special number but usually numbers are low as only immediate sisters (or sister’s daughters,if any) or immediate cousins would make the train of bridesmaids. However, in modern times relatives are scattered all over the globe and thus may not be present at the wedding. In that case bride’s close friends (most two or three) would be invited to become part of the train to give moral support to the bride.
Note: There is no special dress code required for so called bridemaids. They can be part of the train with their normal attire they had to attend the wedding.
What gifts are typically given?
This is an interesting question.
In modern times gift of cash (or cheques) is welcome as it helps to defray the cost of wedding. The cost, these days, are astronomical and can set the newly wed (and/or their parents) behind quite a bit. The amount should be an “auspicious” number ending in 1 — $51, $101, $201, $501, etc. (or similar numbers in rupees, pounds, or what currencuy you have).
Beyond that , newly weds usually set a GIFT ACCOUNT with Bay or other commercial establishments for guests to pick a gift which can be fruitfully used by the new couple .
The parents (of bride and groom) and near relatives in Indian tradition normally give Gold/diamond jewellery, which remain forever and can become heirlooms for the couple in their lifetime.
Some relatives give clothing (especially to the bride) such as sarees.
Other guests can buy whatever fancy them to give as gift.
The most important gift is warm prayers and blessings for the successful and healthy life of the new couple in the years to come.
How many guests are usually invited to the wedding?
The weddings in Toronto or other western countries usually have from 200 to 400 guests.
In Kenya, when we (Nina’s parents) got married there were more than 2000 (yes, two thousands) guests . These days in Kenya the guest list goes beyond 2000 easily.
I am sure in India too, the guest list is extensive and atmosphere more festive than outside of India with bands, dances and music galore etc..
For Nina/Sunjay wedding in August, 2004 we had some 200 guests.
Who are all these people (how are they related to the couple)?
The guests at the Hindu wedding in Toronto or any other western countries are a cross-section of family members and friends ( represnting multi-cultural aspect of the society). First guests are the family members (near and intimate ones). Then, the preference is given to the bride’s or groom’s friends (school, university or workplace) .
After that parents’ friends (based on their social life and inroads made to mutual invitation) are added on the list.
The number of guests are limited to the availabilty of the space at the hall(s) where wedding is going to take place and reception to be organised.
In India or Kenya (where there is a large Indian community) , the guests are mostly family members (also include all extended family members), friends of the family and commercial contacts. Bride and groom usually do invite some of their friends but they form a small proportion of the guest list.
For NIna/Sunjay wedding, the guests represented most of the good friends of the bride and groom and relatives who were around (or those who travelled from Toronto or overseas). Also the some good neighbours or members of the local Indian Community were invited. The mix of the guest list was multi-cultural - the Canadian Mosaic.
Please explain your favourite part of a Jain wedding.
Jainism dates to 600 B.C.
Jains, having shared the subcontinent with Hindus for more than 2,500 years, have developed a strikingly similar marriage tradition
The following is the most favourite and endearing part of the Jain Wedding. It also permeates thru in the Hindu weddings.
hasta melap ( hand clasping/holding) :- The priest places the bride’s hand into the groom’s. Linking the two together for life, he will say:
“Aum Arham. O Jiva (living being) you are the one with soul. May you two become partners with the same time, mind, karma, shelter, body, action, love, desire, wishes, joy, sorrow, longevity, with the same hunger and thirst. May you have similar progress; may you enjoy the same good things; words, forms, scents, touch, ashrava, bandha, sanvara, nirjara, moksha (effects of karma). May you obtain a lasting relationship and unity by way of this joining of hands.”
.”
.”
.”
.”
Durinng Nina/Sunjay wedding , which followed the Hindu Wedding rituals, the hasta milap (hand clasping/holding) was followed as per Hindu tradition. Added to that, a Jain universal prayer was also offered to all the spiritually advanced beings in the world.
Are there any symbols used in the wedding? (i.e. ring represents never-ending love)
See the following LINK for the description of Short Hindu Wedding ceremony -which is becoming more prevalent in Canada and western countries as the wedding couple are nowadays may not be from the same group and thus from outside groups.
There are some 4 critical moments in the modern Indian Hindu wedding.
1) Garlands to be exchanged by bride and groom - bride comes out carrying groom’s garland, escorted by her brother(s) and maternal uncle.
This is a new addition to the traditional Indian wedding and nowadays are followed even in India as modernity has encompassed everything.
The garland exchange (prior to the start of the religious Hindu ceremonies) between bride and groom signifies each one accepts the other as her/his life partner. This then allows (at least philosophically) to proceed with the ceremonies.
2) Rings to be exchanged by bride and groom
This is also a new addition to the traditional Indian wedding and nowadays are followed even in India as modernity has encompassed everything.
The ring exchange represents the same connotation as found in western Christian weddings. Thus signifies promise of never-ending love between the couple.
3) Seven Final steps - called “Saptapadi” (after the Holy Steps circling the fire)
The “Saptapadi” or seven steps is a very important ritual that makes up the Hindu wedding ceremony.
Seven vows as the couple takes the seven steps:
- May we be blessed with an abundance of food.
- May we be strong and complement one another.
- May we be blessed with prosperity.
- May we be eternally happy.
- May we be blessed with children.
Idea: one “blended family” we know of changed this to “May the couple be blessed with obedient children.” 
- May we live in perfect harmony.
- May we always be the best of friends.
4) Offering of ”Mangalsutra” (a special gold chain) by the groom to the bride
“Manglesutra” or thread of good wihich is a necklace worn specifically by married women as a symbol of their marriage.
Some muslim women (such as Konkani Muslims, Muslims from Hyderabad and also Christians in india wear “Manglesutra” too.
Initially it was a thread that a bride and groom tied on each other signifying their union in good will. Now, the groom ties it around his bride’s neck to indicate that he receives her from her father and vows to be her husband
The most common “Manglesutra” is made of two strings of small black beads with a pendant, usually of gold. The black beads are believed to act as protection against evil. Married women wear this to protect their marriage and the life of their husband. In southern India, the “Manglesutra” is called ‘tali’. It is a small gold ornament, strung on a cotton cord or a gold chain.
Traditionally, a married woman never removed her “Manglesutra” . If she became a widow, it was cut off. Nowadays however, this custom is not strictly applied, and not all married women wear a “Manglesutra“.
Note: the“Manglesutra” is not part of Punjabi culture.
It is kinda like the wedding ring in the west to show that the woman is married.